Never Supporting

As many of you know, I am always talking about how thankful I am for the people who have supported me as I learn about myself and my mental illnesses and now, how to deal with them without medication. But I am sad to say that there is one person in my life who has rarely supported me in this area. If anything, this person has made it harder for me to progress at almost every step of the way.

Whenever I mention that I cannot do something because my mental illnesses¬† (usually anxiety) won’t let me, or are talking about some of my mannerisms that I have as ways to cope, they always rub it in my face that they have mental illnesses too. The catch is, they were never formally diagnosed, refuse to see a doctor for formal diagnosis, and refuse even the idea of taking medication.

I had no choice. I was brought to a doctor, received several formal diagnoses within the span of a year, and was put on medication with my parents’ consent because I was a minor. I had no say in any of this.

This person always does this sort of shit to me, they always rub it in my face that they have these illnesses too, “and they might be worse than yours” kinda shit. You know what, you chose to not do the conventional diagnosis and treatment route. I had no choice and now when I go to verbalize it to others, my journey, everything I’ve been through, what it feels like to me, you bring me down. The only thing you supported me in was the choice to be off medication. You “like me better off medication”, but when I have bad days, especially at the beginning, you would yell at me and when I would say I’m still working on managing on my own, you would tear me down again and wonder why I would be yelling and crying. I needed your support, but I never got it.

Even though I am doing better now, you still never support me. You never show any sort of support on my social media posts about my progress, never even mention that you saw them to me, as if my mental health doesn’t matter to you at all. And it hurts me, because for some damn reason, even though I have a bunch of people supporting me, I am still trying to get your support too.

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