So…. it’s finals week.
And I am so over my anxiety about every little thing.
My last final is tomorrow, the last day of finals week, at 6pm. Which is the 2nd to last time slot of all of finals week. That means that I get to spend all day anxious over how well I am going to do on a final for an elective class. Yay.
Out of four classes, I had/have finals for three of them. I took the first one Tuesday morning, and I’ve been doing pretty good in the class and the teacher really wants us to succeed and throws out any questions that ended up harder than intended.
My second one is actually a take-home final for my writing class, and it’s technically due at 10am tomorrow, but I already finished it and submitted. I spent three days working on it and feel pretty good about it. Plus, I have been doing really good in that class already.
But my last final, that is the one I am dreading. You know that one professor who pretty much wants you to remember every obscure term/story/anything that they ever mentioned and apply what you learned to the two books you were required to read? Yeah, well that is totally my sociology teacher. I took social psychology because it sounded fun. My sister signed up too because it sounded that interesting. This class has been one epic fail after another. A majority of our grades are midterm, norm-breaking experiment paper (ridiculous way to force students to do something not typically socially accepted and a great way to send socially anxious students into a full fledged panic attack, oh and it had to be 8-10 pages long and this class doesn’t even give writing experience credit), and 30% final. It looks like I have to get a 70% to ensure that I have a B or higher, with an A- being the highest I can get and that would require a 91%. I know that no matter what happens in this class, my GPA will remain and likely improve a little bit. This class sent me into my first full blown panic attack leading up to and after the midterm. I cried the rest of the day. 😦 I don’t feel on the verge of tears, but I am still terrified.
I am in the last year of my undergraduate degree, and applying to graduate school over my winter break, and I still haven’t learned how to control my anxiety when it comes to finals week. I get anxious even for the classes I know that I am doing awesome in. I usually do as expected or better, which is always an awesome surprise.
However, this is my first finals week that I am completely off all medication. Last spring quarter I had not taken my antidepressants in two weeks when finals came around, and the withdrawal effects had already subsided (they lasted about a week and I felt like crud the whole time), but I do not know if I was completely off the medication yet. I seem to be doing equally well in my classes off my medication as I was on medication, which is great, and my anxiety/stress levels seem to be about the same, I believe I have had a few more mini panic attacks, but I also haven’t had a full blown panic attack since after my sociology midterm (that class is ridiculously hard). I am hoping I will be so relieved about finishing my finals that I won’t have a panic attack tomorrow. And then I get to look forward to reading a book I have on hold at the library and going back to my internship classroom to see my 5th graders during the first week of my break because they are still in school until the 22nd.
Let’s hope everything goes well for me tomorrow, and to everyone out there going through finals or preparing for finals: Good luck and I know you are going to do awesome!